How does a single Parent set up a Christian Household?
Victory through Stability
Divorces, the loss of a spouse, or the chronic uncertainty of an absentee biological parent, place an enormous amount of stress on the shoulders of the left behind parent. If one adds to that the unshared burden of parenting, it is no wonder that many a single parent feels hopeless, lonely, and overwhelmed.
Additionally, the single parent must overcome the pain, anger, and hurt the children may feel toward the absentee parent. At this juncture it is vital that the single parent realizes that s/he is not at an automatic disadvantage, but has God who will become the missing spouse (1), and just as He cared for Hagar when she felt cast aside (2), He will also take care of the single parent. It must be noted that single parent households will need to realize and counteract a number of challenges:
- Children may feel stigmatized
This is true especially during school activities or during the holiday season. At this juncture it is crucial for the parent to offer stability. Allow the child to ask questions, and seek to redirect her/his feelings of loss to feelings of belonging. While it is correct that one parent is missing, the other one is still there, and ready, willing and able to do everything that two parents can do.
- Children may feel confused if the loss of the other parent is new, regular family rituals have been interrupted. Children at this point need to reinvent their position within the family structure and sometimes this leads to anger and aggression, or if turned inward, it becomes a feeling of guilt. The parent must engage the child in a dialog, allow her/him to vent, and also coax out the feelings a child may have. The child needs reassurance and help in rebuilding traditions or creating new ones. Children at this juncture must have the opportunity to have some control over the situation (within reason).
- Children may feel angry
Anger is a normal emotion and the child needs to be taught how to express her/his anger properly. Children at this point need to be gently but consistently taught to forgive. Nursing the grudge a child holds against the missing parent will do little to help her/him to move on and overcome the negative feelings in the long run. Subsequently, there should be no parental evasiveness in communication but an age-appropriate dialog.
Please note that all these steps require a parent who understands that a child is a constant companion, but not a confidante. Do not seek to make your child your confessor. Do not burden her/him with details that will do nothing to help her/him to overcome the sense of loss, and anger. Instead, your emotional and religious stability sets the tone for your household. Always ask God to first heal and strengthen you, and know that through this your children will be blessed and strengthened as well.
(1) Isaiah 54:5-8
(2) Genesis 21:17-21 |
