Spend intentional time together. If you are so busy that you aren’t spending time together, decide to turn the TV off one night and talk or take a walk together.
Practice forgiveness when you hurt your spouse. Not forgiving is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies. Forgiveness sometimes is a process and takes time. But . . . take the time . . . to forgive!
Have fun together. Be spontaneous. Spontaneous moments and times don't have to be huge events... small ones have the same effect on your marriage. Have fun together!
Be kind to one another. Put your own concerns on hold from time to time and think about how you can show kindness to your spouse. What will you do today?
Laugh together - it is a marvelous gift! It releases chemicals in your brain which can enhance your day and reduce your stress. Why not rent a comedy video and enjoy it together as you cuddle on the couch?
Enjoy your differences! Someone once said that if a husband and wife are too much alike . . . one of them is not needed! So . . . celebrate your differences and realize that the two of you together bring a combined energy and strength to the health of your relationship.
Intimacy is the key to a healthy relationship. Intimacy is “in-to-me-you-see” and means you can be who you really are with your partner without fear of them rejecting you. Take off your mask . . . and be real . . . and enjoy the closeness that will come between you.
Don’t avoid conflict. According to research, this is one of the causes for divorce. Couples keep things in and eventually it all spills out like a volcano. Find healthy ways to deal with conflict that will actually help strengthen your marriage.
Difficult times. You can either let hard times put a distance between you and your spouse or decide to make your problems book ends that squeeze you closer together. The choice is yours.
Do small things often for your spouse. Don’t wait for the occasional celebration to pour out your goodness to your spouse. How about taking her a cup of coffee in the morning, or bringing him a cold soda when he’s working out in the yard. Challenge yourself to do at least “one thing” daily for your spouse.
Start conversations with kindness and a soft tone of voice even if you have something difficult to say. This will allow your partner to engage with you instead of pushing them into being defensive.
Ask the “magic” question every day of your partner, “Honey, is there anything you need from me today?” That puts the drawbridge down and allows her to walk over to your side and let you know what she’s thinking.
Keep a regular date night every week. It doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg. How about buying an ice cream cone and splitting it across a table? Or going to a park with a loaf of bread and feeding the ducks? Or . . . sitting in the back yard with a glass of tea and just dreaming together about the future?
Compliment your spouse daily on something that you see in them or observe them doing. This builds up your partner and brings closeness in your relationship. Remember, it’s easy to criticize but it takes effort and intentionality to give each other praise.
Communication takes time and intentionality. Sit together facing each other and share your thoughts and feelings with each other. Let the other person know that you heard what they said. This is a great gift to your spouse!
Take a time-out if you get into a heated conflict. When one of you calls a time out, let your spouse know when you will resume the discussion so that there can be resolution.
Respect quiet and separateness in your marriage. All of us needs quiet time and time alone. Talk about this with your spouse and determine what each of you need and how you will let the other person know when you are needing that alone time.
Send special messages throughout the day to each other through email, texting, phone calls or special notes. Love expressed is love stored up!
Keeping commitments is huge in a marriage. Follow through with what you say you are going to do. If you have trouble remembering, put a sticky note reminder on your bathroom mirror.
Anger—when you are feeling angry, step back and ask yourself, “What am I afraid of right now?” and “Is this really the issue that I’m upset with?” Often times we are projecting our hurts and fears onto our spouse which is unfair to them.
Practice humility—when you are wrong, admit it. Ask your spouse for advice and don’t be a “know-it all” about topics that you really aren’t an expert in. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m not sure,” or “I don’t know.”
Speak to your spouse from your point of view. Instead of saying, “You are the one . . .”, say, “It seems to me that . . .”
Marriage is not a competition, nor is it a 50-50 relationship. Each of you should give 100% to the other. If both of you are giving and serving each other, you won’t have to do math in your marriage!
Love languages—do you know yours? What “floats your boat” with your spouse. Do you like physical touch, or special time, or acts of service from your spouse, or encouraging words or receiving gifts? Talk it through and list what you like to receive from your spouse (what are your top two?).
Take care of yourself—not only for your health but for the sake of your partner. No one wants to be married to a slob or an unkempt person. When you take care of yourself, you’ll feel better about yourself and your spouse will feel good about you as well!
Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant: 90FE0104. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views
of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.
